I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
