Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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