Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We are all done wearing pants today
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
