that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
