wat bout pragnant strippers??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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