Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
