Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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