normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.