I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.