That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.