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btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
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