I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.