oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.