At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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