Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
