it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drake has all the answers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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