They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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