She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
