i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
