I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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