I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
