Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
