Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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