You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
why is half of my head shaved?
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