Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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