My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
