is your mom at the bar?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
