This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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