the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
