My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
