no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
