she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
