That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fuck appropriateness.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
