Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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