garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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