I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
