i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
