Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
