at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
