well you can't waste a boner
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
