I'm so fucking centered right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
