if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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