i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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