so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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