so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
