Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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