all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
