and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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