Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We left the knife in your bed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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