ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
