It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
