standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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