and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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