Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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