can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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