your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
