I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
