we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
