So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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