So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You smell like stripper and shame
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
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well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize