i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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