I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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