if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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