My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
