I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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