I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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