Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
