Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
